Constant war; The man that I want to be

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There are those lovely days when I wake up early, commit quality time to studying the Bible, meditate on it throughout and have in mind my prayer items. Times when I have spent more time reading helpful Christian articles than on social media. Those times I hang out with my Christian friends and speak the truth in love. Those are the days it feels good to be a Christian and that is the man I always want to be. It always feels like a new beginning, like I could be the man I want to be after all.

Unfortunately, that is rarely the case. Most are the times I don’t want to read my Bible however much I love Jesus and know I should read it. Most are the times I just feel lazy and don’t want to wake up. Mostly, I am just online doing what I cannot tell wondering why life feels so barren. I really hate that man but unfortunately he seems to love me a lot. Poor wretched soul.

But perhaps am not alone in this and in both instances am still a Christian however diligent and faithful or wretched and shameful. Perhaps the Christian faith isn’t an enjoyable ride on the park always. It’s more like a constant battle of a sinful yet saved heart; a sinner who is also a saint.

And unlike what many term as spiritual warfare that involves mysticism and demons, this is real spiritual war. A war against the schemes of the devil that lure us to the desires of the flesh which are contrary to the Spirit. A war that we must keep fighting; slaying the desires of the body to indulge in deceitful pleasures of the world and delighting in the joy of salvation. Delighting in Jesus and his word however sweet has a cost because the Bible doesn’t open itself, the mind doesn’t automatically click to meditation of scripture, the sermons in the laptop do not just start playing nor do conversations just develop on the faith we share.

But thanks be to God that we are never alone in this struggle. That the Spirit is always at work stirring us to consider the joy of being children of God and walk as children of light in a wicked and sinful generation. And so it is possible to be the man I want to be, a man more like my Savior; I just need to respond to the work of the Spirit in me. And even when am the man I don’t love being, am reminded of God’s abundant grace to me through Christ to save me daily from the wretched soul that I am having saved me forever.

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